If Only I Knew Then

If asked to describe myself, I’d say I’m perceptive, understanding, and can connect with a variety of people.

But what I really want to say is I enjoy who I am now, in this present moment, while continuously allowing room to evolve in what it means to love myself, people in my life, and community.

It hasn’t always been this way for me as a Black woman in predominantly white spaces.

If I only knew the armor of detachment and highly guarded walls I put on each day would get too heavy and break me, then I would have never put it on.

I would not have bonded myself to the armor based on the belief I had to in order to be taken seriously and respected as a Black woman; contained, palatable, accommodating.

The price I paid? My authenticity. I listened to too many negative experiences. It caused me to not only lose sight of who I was but prevented me from growing into the person I wanted to be.

You won’t be accepted by everyone, sometimes you’ll be accepted by a few people. Regardless, being yourself authentic raw, with edges, and soft spots is the compass for true understanding.

And that is my power.